Remembering Everything

I just woke from a “powerful” dream that occurred like a story being told, with me as the central character. It was such a beautiful story that even as the dream was happening I thought, “I must write this down.”

The dream was a “saga” dream, but I only remember a large and insignificant portion at the last. I was a teenager in a van with other boys from a group home and we had just come from a giant Walmart store that was bigger than any Walmart I had ever seen (it took some time just for the van to navigate its way out of the parking lot). We were being taken to school, except some of the boys attended “special” schools and had to be dropped off first.

The first stop was a small school for very young children, or “mentally challenged” older children. The dirver of the van seemed to tease me by jesting this was my stop. Oddly though he referred to me by my initials “J.E.D.” rather than my name, which made me uncertain in the dream if he was even referring to me at all.

No one ended up getting off at the first stop (and I wondered in the dream if I was the one who was supposed to get off there) and the can moved on to the next “school”, which turned out to be on the same block as the first, but was clearly a prestigious university for “gifted” children. The driver again announced the initials of the child the stop was for only this time he said, “J.T.J.E.D.”, which confused me even more until a younger boy (“J.T.” from “So You Think You Can Dance” on T.V.) got out of the van. I assumed the boy's “full name” had extra initials in it that sounded like my initials, and I maintained this assumption even after the man who got out of the van to accompany J.T. asked me to come also. I thought I was just asked to join them as a tag-along, since I was a “new boy”.

But, after we entered the grand foyer of the university --- an obviously private and well-funded institution with grand spaces and ornate architecture --- we were immediately approached by a young man who worked there and who clearly knew who we were; all of us, even me. He handed both J.T. and me a single piece of paper that I at first thought was an acceptance application. But on closer examination I saw that it was a test of some bizarre sort (involving shapes and letters), perhaps an I.Q. test, and the one I received had already been partially completed in what I recognized easily as my own handwriting!

I did not remember ever having seen this “test” before, and I knew that I was not smart in any “special” sense (i.e. no genius here), and I did not like tests of this sort anyway (they always make me feel stupid even though I usually do well on them). So, I approached the young man who handed me the test and asked him what year it had been partially completed.

The man responded by flippantly saying, “Oh, yeah, you don't 'remember', do you?” He then directed me to an administration desk, where a large “admin-type” older woman informed me that the test had been partially completed “during Jean's class” (or something of that nature, indicating the year in association with the head professor methinks).

She apparently assumed that I had no desire to complete the test --- which I didn't --- so she kept it and then pointed by way of indicating where I should go next.

She pointed toward a large (very wide) staircase, down which were coming “the” class of special students. They were kids, teens, and a few young adults, and they walked as a group, about seven to ten across and three or four deep. The other boy I had come in with, J.T., approached them ahead of me, and as he approached one of the older boys in the group who seemed to be made of cast iron warned J.T. to stop doing what he was doing or he'd get “fried”.

Apparently, all of these “children” had “special powers” and by implication (of acceptance into the school) so did J.T. and I. J.T. had been trying out his “power” to control electric currents on the cast iron boy, which was why that boy told him to stop.

If at this point you (the reader) are thinking, “This dream sounds a lot like Xaviar's school in the X-men movies,” well, I thought so, too. So I started wondering what my “power” would be. I could tell that most of the other children in the group seemed to disdainfully recognize me, and seemed to fear me at the same time. So I thought I must have some “super” power, like maybe mind-control, or the ability to manipulate reality itself!

It turned out neither was true. I did have a “super” power, but it was not like any power I had ever seen or imagined before. Technically, it wasn't really a “power” at all, but it gave people the ability to manipulate power. Let me get back to the dream and try to explain how I slowly became aware of my “power”.

I joined the class and we lined up in the same foyer (off to one side) to await instruction from our professor. I don't recall any professor ever showing up, but suddenly one of the students apparently “lost control” of his power and started flailing around on the ground. This was the first indication I got of my own “curse” / “power”.

No. I did not cause the other boy to lose control of his power. But, I did know that that was what was happening. I didn't know how I knew, at least not at first. I just “knew”, and the knowledge made me very sad.

I began to cry. And the more I cried, the sadder I got. I didn't even know why I was so sad, but the sadness was familiar. The sadder I got, and the more I cried, the more I “remembered” about my “curse”.

I had the ability to know things. I could know anything I wanted, even everything if I wanted! But I didn't want to know everything, because it seemed the more I knew, the sadder I got. So the thought of knowing everything was unbearable!

Upon realizing what my “power” / “curse” was, I ran out of the school. I “remembered” being there before, and I remembered why I left. I also “remembered” that I consciously chose to “forget” almost everything, including my ability to “know” everything.

But now I was suddenly remembering. I had to, because I had to “know”, no matter how much it hurt. I just had to know.

First I “remembered” how I “knew” the other boy had lost control of his power. I actually saw into the other world where such “powers” are manifested. And I could “see” the boy's “power” as a kind of serpentine creature that erupted out of his mouth. Everyone else only saw the boy flailing on the ground. But I “saw” what was “really” happening, and that was what made me sad... not what I “saw”, but the fact that I could “see” it is what made me cry. Because it was a terrible “power”.

It's hard to explain why such a “power” felt so terrible, like a curse. But, the absence of mystery in life was the saddest tragedy of all. I understood in the most direct way possible that life without ignorance is the most painful of all!

The dream continued after I left the school. I found my way to a nearby food court, or outdoor restaurant of some sort, and then realized the professor from the school had caught up with me (I knew he was following me all along of course). He tried to explain to me that it was my “responsibility” to use my “power” to help the world. I knew he was right, and then also suddenly knew that I did in fact have the strength needed to bear up under the pain of knowing everything. But, that knowledge did NOT make me any more interested in knowing all. It seemed I wanted to know “more”, but just not “everything”.

Then I finally woke up. I heard the prison guard bringing around ice, which I needed to keep my fat-free milk cold so I could enjoy it later. I wanted to go back to sleep so I could “finish” the dream and find out what happened. Would I choose to “remember everything” and “save the world”? Or would I continue to hide in my ignorance?

Good question!

[J.D. September 16, 2016]

Epic Dream - Communism?

I dreamed last night that the guards came and woke me up, here on Federal death row, and told me I had an attorney visit (which is very common for death row prisoners, though I've never had one). So I got up, put on my "visiting shirt" (which I keep pressed and hanging neatly in the back of my locker, just in case I ever do get a visit). Oddly, the shirt was a somewhat worn silk shirt with a detailed floral pattern, instead of the cotton short sleave khak it is in reality. But, of course, in the dream this seemed "normal".

After some trouble with buttoning up the shirt (I couldn't seem to focus enough on the buttons, typical dream shit), the guards chained me up and escorted me to the visiting area. At one point (a minor detail) I had trouble squeezing UNDER a large security door that was closing down on me very slowly. The guards had to pull me through. Then they took me to the visiting area and told me to go in by myself.

I had to pass through some sort of private office with walls of half-glass in order to get to the visiting room which I could see through the windows. There were a lot of other people around, both in the office and visiting area. When I entered the visiting room a short "lawyer-like" man in a suit approached me and said he was my attorney. He told me that I was being transfered to another "program" / prison so I could take court ordered classes. In the dream I recalled having heard about the "program". It was a controversal low-security training program with extremely strict rules that few prisoners could tolerate. I recalled rumors about brainwashing and severe discipline. But, I thought it might be something I could manipulate to some advantage, so I agreed to do the transer. The lawyer told me to wait in the visiting room and I would be transfered shortly.

Immediately after the lawyer left two "inmates", obviously from the program, wearing "Russian" long coats and "commie" hats (black fur stove-pipes), approached me and very cordially introduced themselves. Then they left and told me to wait for them to come get me for the program.

I waited a long time (it seemed) and was starting to worry that something had gone wrong with the transfer, when they finally returned and escorted me to the program compound.

At this juncture in the dream I suddenly became "aware" of some other prisoners, and a dog (German Shepherd) who were trying to escape the compound by climbing over a tall wall topped with acid-poisoned razor wire. I'm not sure how this sequence fit into the dream, nor even if the escaping prisoners were successful or not (they made it over the top of the wall, with the dog, but that was all I "saw"). I'm not even clear if the scene was past, present, or future, though it seemed like some sort of "warning".

Then I was in the compound. I was in a large group of new recruits. We were all just teenagers, and we were being prepared (given uniforms and weapons) to fight another group of recruits... to the death, by means of conventional urban warfare.

The Spider-Sky People

I often think that my dreams are way too heavily influenced by the kinds of movies I like to watch and books I like to read. But, then again, according to Joseph Campbell, Carl Jung, and many others, many modern movies and books are just as symbolically significant as the ancient myths and legends that teach us so much about the innermost workings of our minds, as individuals as well as civilizations. That being said, let me tell you about yet another “Aquarian” dream that I just had last night.

This dream started in an established post-apocalyptic world that had lost many major technologies, such as airplanes, cell phones, and the Internet, but had retained some technology, such as stand-alone computers, televisions and cars. It wasn’t “Mad Max”, but much more lawful and “civilized”.

In fact, it was too “civilized”. The government controlled every detail of our lives. So much so that a group of us had banded together in an effort to overthrow, or “throw off” the oppressive government.

But, the government was too strong. It had the support of too many people who were terrified that the devastating wars and calamities that destroyed the world might happen again. Even though these people never even knew the world from before the “Great Tragedy” because it happened well before their time, the government made sure they “remembered” through strict control of the written history.

It was this “history” that we “rebels” sought to challenge and expose as a fabrication of twisted and distorted truths. But, like Mark Twain once said, it’s easier to fool people than it is to convince them that they have been fooled. So, we had only managed to make ourselves outlaws, and were being hunted by the “police” of this brave new world.

(Note: some of the above backstory for this dream is a fabrication itself, made from my best and most sincerely honest attempt to fill in the missing backdrop for what happens next. The rest, below, is a much more factual account of what actually happened in my dream, as I remember it.)

I, and a fellow escaping dissident, kept climbing higher and higher into a tangled mess of wreckled and abandoned buildings that were strictly off limits under the current regime. We climbed up until we reached a ceiling in the wreckage that prevented us from going any further. But, when we explored the extent of the ceiling barrier, we discovered an opening that would allow us to pass into new territory above (some place no one from our “world” had gone before). We both crawled through the opening one at a time.

We came out on the other side at the top of an extremely high... uh... “cliff”, or “perch” of some sort, that overlooked the world below --- our world --- from far above the clouds. And we weren’t alone. As soon as I came out on the other side, I saw a bunch of skinny dark-skinned people hanging from... uh,... vines?... that extended up into the sky.

They weren’t vines, though. They were “chains” of some kind of long-legged spidery type of things. These “spiders” were attached to the people they supported by the skin, and then formed long chains by connecting to each other by their “legs”. The people suspended in this way could move around without ever touching the ground by swinging from these spider-chains, which would disconnect and reconnect as needed so the person swinging could move any direction they wanted, including up or down.

We greeted these skinny spider-people, and they were very friendly. They showed us how to swing from the spider-chains, which was scary at first because it seemed like the chains were too flimsy to support our weight, but they weren’t. They were very strong and secure, and as it turned out, easy to manipulate (i.e. detach and reattach) so we could move around through the sky like they did.

No one spider-person stood out as an individual, but together they took us to their “city” and explained to us along the way that they were descendants of the same human race as us. But, after the “Great Tragedy” they evolved to survive in the sky, per se, via the spider-chains. They also evolved a unique culture without formal laws or any form of government or religion. They explained that “The Truth” was their primary guiding principle, and the source of all order and justice in their society.

I noticed at this point that these spider-sky people were all naked, and some were having sex even as they “spoke” to us (though still, none spoke directly to us --- they just “conveyed” understanding in that dreamlike way). They explained that the closest thing they had to a “leader” was an “oracle-child” that was selected via group consensus as needed, usually to accomodate circumstances that required some form of formal decision; such as the appearance of strangers from the world below (us).

We were hence being escorted to meet such an oracle-child. The children are selected according to their natural ability to connect with Universal Wisdom and hence represent the Will of the One. They were always volunteers, and never compelled to act or decide anything. But, the decisions they made, and any pronouncements they made were considered “law”, even from children as young as five or six, and never beyond puberty.

Before we actually met with the child who had been vetted in our cause by some completely natural means we were “shown” (images placed in our minds) other such oracle-children in the act of “ruling”. The scenes appeared very “religious” in nature, though we were assured that the ceremonies were natural manifestations, not “invented” by intent, and that no two were the same. All of the child-oracles were naked, of course, and many of them were clearly masturbating enthusiastically as they were surrounded by those participating in the, ...uh... “ceremony”, or whatever it was.

It was all very formal and seemed arranged though it wasn’t. There were sometimes elaborate head-dresses, and thrones, and other artifacts, each created just for the one “ceremony”. In all cases the child was never coached or told what to do, but just did what he or she wanted, and the other participants accomodated the oracle’s whims.

We were finally lead to a large open aired chambed where our “ceremony” would take place. There was a pile of facy pillows where the oracle-child would sit in our case, but the child herself had not yet arrived, nor even been selected. It was understood that the child would arrive in her own time, but soon.

That’s as far as the dream went before I was awaken by some noise outside of my cell. I should note that at no point in the dream with the spider-sky people did I feel apprehensive, or like I was being --- or, going to be --- judged. I don’t know what merits, if any, there might be for such an “oracle-child” system of “law and order”; it is not something I have ever thought about before. But, I will certainly be giving it some thought now. All-in-all it was an interesting and enjoyable dream.

[J.D. March 16, 2016]