I just awoke from one of
those dreams that seem to dramatically convey an important life
lesson that I might not otherwise have to come to realize.
In the dream, I was
returning with a close friend to my childhood home from some sort of
adventurous “mission”. My friend and I, both of us mature men,
were carrying my “real life” brother (who, incidentally, in “real
life” died from a heart aneurysm shortly after my arrest in 2005)
who had been injured during our mission together.
My brother's injury took
the form of a life-threating “addiction”, and we had brought him
“home” in hopes of discovering exactly what he was addicted to in
order to cure him. My friend and I carried my brother's limp body
into the living room of the house where I had grown up, and laid him
on the couch with the lights off and wrapped in a dark blanket (which
becomes a significant detail in a moment...).
My friend and I knew that
the source of my brother's addiction/illness was in this house. So we
began walking around, with the lights still off but with enough light
coming in from outside for us to see. I “sensed” that the thing
my brother was addicted to was here, and I even felt that I knew
what it was, but just couldn't remember for some reason. So I
shuffled around from room to room in the dark trying to spark my
memory while my friend made suggestions for what it could be, and
otherwise encouraged me to remember.
At one point, as I was
passing through the living room, my friend suggested that it might
help me remember if I sat with my brother and comforted him. So I sat
on the edge of the couch and placed my hands on my brother's head in
an embracing and loving manner. I could sense that this was the right
thing to do, and I began to feel a welling of emotion. I became
convinced that if I gave in to the emotion that somehow the truth I
needed to know would be revealed. I also sensed that the truth I
sought was somehow hidden within myself, and not in the house at all,
though I still needed to be in the house for the truth to be
revealed.
I remember clearly at this
point in the dream feeling the heat of my brother's head in my hands,
and being repulsed by it! The warmth of my brother's living body
scared me, and I wanted to pull away instead of drawing him closer.
It was then that I realized that my brother's sickness was caused
by ME! His “addiction” was a response to my own fear of
loving him. Because I pulled away from him, he desperately turned to
other sources of comfort – false sources, which were what made him
ill.
So, this time, instead of
pulling away, I pulled my brother closer. And this caused a rather
cinematic scene to unfold in my dream. The dark blanket that covered
my brother became bright white as it unfolded and spread itself out
flat, thus symbolizing that a healing had occurred.
Then, the scene shifted.
It was days later, and I was outside in front of the same house,
holding the white blanket. It was daytime out, and my friend, who
turned out to also be my neighbor from across the street, was walking
up my driveway for a cordial visit. Earlier in the dream, my friend
was only a vague undefined person, but now he was clearly a young
Chevy Chase (perhaps inspired by the commercials I've seen on T.V.
recently for the new “Vacation” movie..?). He asked how my
brother was doing, and I jokingly told him that I was going to wrap
my brother in the blanket I was holding and dump him in the street.
We laughed, and then I told him more sincerely that my brother had in
fact just presented the blanket to me as a gift, and he was inside
still recooperating but doing well.
Then I woke up, and knew
immediately that this was a dream I had to write down, so I did.
[J.D. August 1, 2015]
