Healing Hands Of Brotherly Love

I just awoke from one of those dreams that seem to dramatically convey an important life lesson that I might not otherwise have to come to realize.

In the dream, I was returning with a close friend to my childhood home from some sort of adventurous “mission”. My friend and I, both of us mature men, were carrying my “real life” brother (who, incidentally, in “real life” died from a heart aneurysm shortly after my arrest in 2005) who had been injured during our mission together.

My brother's injury took the form of a life-threating “addiction”, and we had brought him “home” in hopes of discovering exactly what he was addicted to in order to cure him. My friend and I carried my brother's limp body into the living room of the house where I had grown up, and laid him on the couch with the lights off and wrapped in a dark blanket (which becomes a significant detail in a moment...).

My friend and I knew that the source of my brother's addiction/illness was in this house. So we began walking around, with the lights still off but with enough light coming in from outside for us to see. I “sensed” that the thing my brother was addicted to was here, and I even felt that I knew what it was, but just couldn't remember for some reason. So I shuffled around from room to room in the dark trying to spark my memory while my friend made suggestions for what it could be, and otherwise encouraged me to remember.

At one point, as I was passing through the living room, my friend suggested that it might help me remember if I sat with my brother and comforted him. So I sat on the edge of the couch and placed my hands on my brother's head in an embracing and loving manner. I could sense that this was the right thing to do, and I began to feel a welling of emotion. I became convinced that if I gave in to the emotion that somehow the truth I needed to know would be revealed. I also sensed that the truth I sought was somehow hidden within myself, and not in the house at all, though I still needed to be in the house for the truth to be revealed.

I remember clearly at this point in the dream feeling the heat of my brother's head in my hands, and being repulsed by it! The warmth of my brother's living body scared me, and I wanted to pull away instead of drawing him closer. It was then that I realized that my brother's sickness was caused by ME! His “addiction” was a response to my own fear of loving him. Because I pulled away from him, he desperately turned to other sources of comfort – false sources, which were what made him ill.

So, this time, instead of pulling away, I pulled my brother closer. And this caused a rather cinematic scene to unfold in my dream. The dark blanket that covered my brother became bright white as it unfolded and spread itself out flat, thus symbolizing that a healing had occurred.

Then, the scene shifted. It was days later, and I was outside in front of the same house, holding the white blanket. It was daytime out, and my friend, who turned out to also be my neighbor from across the street, was walking up my driveway for a cordial visit. Earlier in the dream, my friend was only a vague undefined person, but now he was clearly a young Chevy Chase (perhaps inspired by the commercials I've seen on T.V. recently for the new “Vacation” movie..?). He asked how my brother was doing, and I jokingly told him that I was going to wrap my brother in the blanket I was holding and dump him in the street. We laughed, and then I told him more sincerely that my brother had in fact just presented the blanket to me as a gift, and he was inside still recooperating but doing well.

Then I woke up, and knew immediately that this was a dream I had to write down, so I did.

[J.D. August 1, 2015]

A Liberated World

I seem to have a lot of dreams in which I serendipitously occupy a world that is clearly not the one I presently live in. During the dream I typically don't give much thought to the contradictory and often impossible circumstances. Only after I wake up does the significance of its strangeness occur to me at all. This dream, that I had last night (July 2, 2015) is an excellent case in point.

In my dream I was walking past a pool area for a hotel where I was a guest. As I passed, a large family of notorious nudists were entering the pool area as well. I say “notorious” because the person I was in this dream understood that in his world (the “dream world”, though he/I certainly didn't think of it as that from in the dream itself) nudity (and nudists) were not common, but neither were they particularly remarkable, except in the case of this family of nudists because they were well known --- not as nudists, but more because of their closeness and success in general (think; “the Kennedy's”).

As I continued around the pool on my way to my room I saw the family, mother, father, three or four teen boys (most of them I noticed had no pubic hair) and one preteen girl (also quite hairless) wade into the pool and start playfully splashing each other. They were all very attractive people, and I paid particular attention to the young girl as she frolicked with her older brothers. I couldn't help but notice that she seemed to have a well-developed vulva for her age that protruded very attractively between her legs. I also noticed that she was not in the least bit shy about letting anyone see it, including me.

Of note at this point (a personal note that I did not consciously make until after waking from my dream) was that I felt no shame about observing this girl or her family at all. I observed them much with the same unconcealed interest that one might give to an interesting piece of public art as I walked past. And I didn't gloat or stare lustfully either. I just took in the scene as nonchalantly as one might take in the same scene in our “real” (present) world if they were all wearing swimsuits instead. There was nothing remarkable about what was happening in the dream at all --- at least not for anyone actually there, in the “dream world”.

So, anyway, I continued on past the pool and entered one of the halls leading away from the pool area and shortly found my room, which I entered and began preparing for a night's rest. But, before I could do much more than kick off my shoes, someone knocked. When I opened the door I found the same young girl, still nude and displaying herself as naturally as before, standing in the hall by herself.

She said, “I noticed you looking at me by the pool and thought maybe you'd like to see me a little closer. Can I come in?”

Unfortunately at this point I was just starting to wake up, and the dream dissolved before it went any further. But, upon waking I didn't carry the dream over into fantasy the way you might expect. Instead I became instantly fascinated by all the unusual implications of what I was feeling, and thinking, about what was happening in the dream.

I noticed for example that the girl was fearless, and clearly not concerned about “safety”. She was also extremely liberated in a “hippie” sense of it, even though she couldn't have been more than twelve years old. I also realized that her family, not to mention everyone else in this “dream world” seemed unconcerned about such things, as though all of this were completely natural and commonplace.

This got me thinking about something I saw on a new SyFy-series (called “Dark Matter”) where one of the characters (a young girl) seems to be having other people's dreams. Am I having other people's dreams? That would actually explain a lot of dreams I have where I do, think, and feel emotions that are totally contrary to who I am in the “real” world. Maybe I'm not only dreaming other people's dreams, but my dreams are from other worlds entirely (and are only grafted onto my experiences from this world that are stored in my brain).

If that's so, then maybe dreams are a kind of “bridge” after all, that connects us not just across space and time, but dimensions as well. And, even more profoundly, perhaps this “connection” has some significant and natural purpose that has something to do with the very purpose and reason for our existence!

That would be a far cry from the typical “random brain activity” excuse for dreams that most people pretend to believe in (and that makes no sense at all in the face of our clearly coherent and patterned dreams that have a clearly independent purpose of their own). We only think dreams are meaningless because we can't deficer their meaning. But, the meaning is clearly there.

In this dream, for example, I didn't realize until after I woke up and started thinking about it that such a world, where children are as sexually and socially liberated as adults, is not only possible, but completely natural (as born out by the history and science of our “real” world) once the oppressive influences of those who want to shape the world according to their own very limitted views (i.e. Christians mostly). I actually dream of such a generally liberated world often (some of these dreams I have blogged about here as well), and sometimes find myself crying when I am forced to wake up and return to the so-called “real world”.

[J.D. July 2, 2015]

Dream Police?

Obviously, for those who've been paying any attention, I'm one of those people who think that dreams have something coherent to tell us, if we just.. uh.. pay attention. I don't take this «belief» of mine very seriously though (I generally don't take anything I only «believe» very seriously); so, for whatever it's worth here's a dream that has been bothering me for the last two days because of the «message» it seems to impart. I'll tell you the dream first, so you can think about what it means yourself. Then, I'll tell you what it means to me.

The entire dream --- or, at least the part I remember with the «message» --- can be written in one paragraph: I'm by myself in a car (sedan) that is moving driver-less through a store parking lot. I'm riding in the back seat, looking out the windows and I see an attractive child. I say to myself --- thinking nobody else is in the car to hear --- «Man, I would fuck the shit out of that!» (or something similarly obscene). Suddenly I notice that the car isn't driver-less after all. There are two «adults» sitting in the front, and one is clearly the driver. I suddenly feel embarrassed about what I just said, and I wonder if they could hear me or not.

That's the entire (relevant portion of the) dream. What do you think it means? Let me provide you with some contextual information that might help you figure out.

First, it is a fact that in reality (i.e. when I am awake and consciously existing) I am in the habit of making obscene comments, like the one in this dream, to myself when I'm sure nobody can hear me. If there is any chance that someone might hear, then I just think them to myself. I consider this a playful and harmless habit, and I don't obsess over it. I simply make the comment (or think it) then move on to other things in my mind, often without breaking stride (or my stream of thought). Like I said, it's just a silly game I play, perhaps as a way to make myself feel a little less «condemned» for being a «pervert» by simply affirming the «perverted» thoughts to myself in this way. (The «perverted» thoughts aren't just about children. I also frequently say, or think, things like, «Fuck my fag ass», or «punk me»; not to mention the «usual» obscene things that any «normal» man might think when he sees an appealing woman.)

Secondly, cars in my dreams seem to have a consistent symbolism. They represent the general body of events in my life as an individual. In other words, the car is a symbol for the life I lead. So, a sports car symbolizes a «fast and furious» life, while a sedan is a symbol for a more conservative life. More significantly, I frequently dream that I am driving a car but can't control it, and I believe this is a direct indication of the lack of control I frequently experience over my life. In fact, I have observed that when I do manage to drive a car under control in a dream that it always corresponds to a period in my life where I feel more in control of events than usual.

When you put the dream I had a couple of days into this context I think the «meaning» becomes hauntingly clear. Think about it.

   Go on... think about it.

I'm in the backseat of a car. Clearly not only not in control, but not even AT the controls. But, somebody is (at the controls) because the car is moving purposefully through a parking lot (and what might the parking lot symbolize?). I see a child, make my obscene comment, and suddenly the driver and a companion appear. Were they there all the time? Was I simply ignorant of their presence (i.e. ignoring them unconsciously)? I someone at the controls of my life this very moment; someone I can't «see» because of my «ignorance» (or «ignorence» (sic) as I like to say sometimes)?

I have been consciously «letting go» of control over my life more and more lately. Could this dream be trying to tell me that by doing so I'm essentially letting other «beings» drive my life for me? And if so, is that «good», or «bad»? And are «they» listening to me, maybe even to my thoughts, as I mumble or think my obscene little private game? Maybe it's not as private as I thought! That actually fits with my belief that nothing we ever say, or do, or think is ever truly private at all. Is this dream affirming that belief, or mocking it?

It's questions like these that make me want to climb into the «backseat» in the first place. There is simply no way to answer them, and hence, no way to «see where my life is heading» even if I were «at the controls».

So, the dream makes me wonder...should I let «them» drive (and perhaps let them «park» my life)? Or, should I be in the front seat, behind the wheel, at least trying to drive my life even though I can't even «see» where I'm going, much less manage to control the «car»? Am I expected to «learn» control over my life this way (i.e. blindly and out of control)? (Isn't that the way we learn the fundamental things in life, like how to walk and talk?)

Whatever the dream may or may not be «saying», it certainly gives me a lot to think about. It could also just be a reflection, in symbols, of my own ongoing internal conflicts and questions. Whatever it is, it's fun to think about. :)

[J.D. March 17, 2015]